#secondstory

You are not an option, you are not a mistake you are CHOSEN! You are not an option, you are not a mistake you are CHOSEN! - Lauren Tyler

"You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who has called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. " 1 Peter 2:9

"You did not choose me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name he may give to you." John 15:16

"We should always give thanks to God for you, brethren beloved by the Lord, because God has chosen you from the beginning for salvation through sanctification by the spirit and faith in the truth." 2 Thessalonians 2:13


Hard, Overwhelming, Broken Promises, Heartache, Disappointment, Broken Trust, Loneliness, Challenge, Rejection, Loss and Waiting, is what I wrote in my journal when they asked "What's Been Your Story?"

Yesterday, I attended a women's retreat that was hosted by my church Gateway. The title of the retreat caught my eye, #secondstory. I thought to myself well the first half of my life really hasn't turned out the way I planned so let me see what they have to say about a #secondstory.

There were four sessions they spoke on: Believe. Hope. Love. Live

I believe in Jesus Christ. Period. No doubts.

I gave my life to Christ at the young age of 8 and when I did I received a new life.

"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." Romans 6:4

But......... we can believe but not believe. I believe in Christ but do I trust him to take care of my problems to provide to the point that I am at peace and don't worry about those things myself. No, I am guilty of holding onto the stress and worry and wondering if it is all going to work out.

I need to have more faith in trusting him.

When we got to the section on love the speaker Melissa Fisher spoke of how she recently took a trip to see her father whom she had not see in 6 years. She said that often times when we feel "stuck" and we are not moving forward it is often because there is bitterness, fear, guilt and unforgiveness in our heart that is keeping us there.

She asked us to think if there was anyone that we needed to forgive that has hurt us. As I sat and listened to her speak I recalled all the times someone hurt me but I could not recall anyone I had not forgiven. She then went on to say that maybe the person we need to forgive is OURSELVES!

Hello, that slapped me across the face... DING! DING! DING! Then she took it a step further by saying "maybe you haven't forgiven yourself because when you do, you can no longer be the victim. maybe you like the self-pity and the option to revisit the past and the pain anytime you like. Cause once you forgive yourself you don't get to be the victim any longer."

Well, that about sums me up. I don't consciously like being a victim to my past but it does give me the freedom to revisit the hurt when I want too or when I am feeling sorry for myself. Anytime someone has asked me my story the hurt is the first thing I think of.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" - John 10:10

For so long I have carried the guilt of my choices and not forgiven myself. I have looked back on my life in disappointment because it was not what I envisioned.  It is time for me truly lay it down at the cross and leave it there and believe that God will bring beauty from my ashes and that he is writing my #secondstory and live in peace, grace and mercy.  I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know who is holds it....

What's my #secondstory? I am happy to say that God is still writing it and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me..

Before leaving the retreat I wrote this as my last entry of my journal... "Chosen, Daughter of the King, Loved, Beautiful, Grace, Purpose and Eternity. God WILL make a way.

When I walked into that auditorium I was listening to the lies Satan was telling me, when I walked out it was with God's promises and his truth about who I really am.

Thank you Lauren, Holly, Haley, Melissa and Calla for reminding me who I find my true identity in.

203.8

I started this blog back in 2011 and resurfaced in 2014 and fast forward to 2016 and here I am again. I have always had a love for writing, it is one way to work through some of the emotions this life brings, with a dash of humor and a pinch of sarcasm. It has been on my heart to start writing again, so here I am... I can't honestly say this blog has any specific direction other than saying what is on my mind and leaving those that stumble upon it better, happier and inspired...

Yesterday, I went to a dietitian appointment to put a game plan together on destroying some pounds. I get tired of saying "lose weight" I don't want to "lose" it this time, I want to DESTROY it, as in never to return again. I lost 15 lbs in 2014 and guess what? It doubled itself  and found me again.

203.8

No, I didn't run 7.7786259 marathons........

I  got on the scale yesterday morning and I weighed in at...203.8. Yep the heaviest I have EVER have been in my life. I am going to blame it on turning 40, for no other reason than I can. I am sure maybe my love for southern cooking and bread might have played a small part.

I might have stopped at Shipley Donut's on the way to the dietitian, cause I am a REBEL and knew it would not be in my future, anytime soon.

Insert Rant: Okay, you have seen this before and part of me agrees and part of me thinks it is 100% horse manure. You are more than a number, a lot more BUT when my scale says 203.8, I better be pregnant with triplets and I am NOT!!! So, while I may be more important than a number, that number also means I have a lot of work to do. 

If you are like me you want to destroy some weight but you are not known for your will power and ability to say no to wine, cheese and cupcakes. Oh, and bread... and passing Shipley's on the way to work.


BUT....... I am going to pray real hard and set out to destroy some pounds! I am focused, determined and on a mission.