Baseball........

I love baseball games and concessions.... hot dogs, peanuts, popcorn, funnel cakes, ice - cream... YUM!!

Last night was $1.00 hot dog and soda night at the Dell Diamond. M and I went with a few friends to the game. We get to the concession stand before finding our seats and Maks says "I want pizza" well of course you do because that is $3.75 and not a $1.00. The kid LOVES hot dogs but last night wanted pizza. Since I am such a horrible great Mother and forgot to get her something for Easter, I am feeling a little guilty. So, she got the pizza.  She also doesn't like sodas (which is a good thing) so of course that means I have to get her the $3.75 bottle of water. So, my idea of a spending $6 or less on our meal goes down the drain.

We find our fantastic seats on third base side behind the dug out and it is a beautiful night for baseball. M enjoyed her pizza in 30 seconds or less and turns to me and says "I am still hungry" of course you are. She asked me if she could now have a $1.00 hotdog, make that two Mom. So, she rushes off to get two hotdogs and comes back to her seat and inhales them.

M asked me if she could go throw away her trash. Sure, go ahead. A few minutes pass and I look down and there is M sitting two rows down next to some lady that is NOT me. I bust out laughing and tell my friend next to me "Look there is M" - she starts to laugh. We sit there waiting for M to realize she is sitting in the wrong seat.

                                        M sitting in the wrong seat



She sits there for several minutes and then looks to her right to say something to me and at that moment realizes she is in the wrong seat! She JUMPS up out of her seat and starts looking around and she had this look of terror on her face until she finally spotted me two rows up.

M looking for me after realizing she is in the wrong seat



She returned to her seat and laughed along with us... It was priceless!!

A few more funny things - the gentleman sitting next to us had a glove M looks over at him and says "What you going to do with that?" He says "Catch fly balls that come this way" She says "oh" He says "You want to hold it?" She says "nope" - HA!

There is another older gentleman behind us and he also has a glove and an apple. She turns around and says "What you going to do with that apple" He says "eat it" She says "Oh"

I don't have a clue where she gets this personality to talk to strangers and ask random questions, :p

It was a great night at the ball park with my girl and my friends!!

:)

Gas Stations

somewhere you can stop for  bread, milk, quick snack, ice for your cooler and a 64oz drink.... it has also been a last minute stop for the $5 can of chili your forgot at the store and have to have for your hot dogs. Lately, it has been where we all spend our paycheck on gas - gas prices are ridiculous but that is not the point of this post.

Last Friday I was on my way to meet M's Dad and on the way my pitcher 6-7 glasses of tea hit me. So, when I got to the gas station I ran in to use the restroom. I hate using gas station bathrooms it is never my first choice but I didn't have any other option.

I go inside and of course someone is in there, I always hate seeing who was in there before me. So, I am standing there with my legs crossed doing my dance and the door opens. UGH, so now I have seen who was in there and when I stepped inside the restroom I choked and passed out on the floor knew what she had been doing. 

Of course, they do not have the paper seat covers and laying toilet paper across the toilet never works, it always falls off and to be honest I didn't have time. So, I do the "squat" avoiding actually "sitting" down - I stand there and stand there and stand there and finally my legs give out because I drank to much tea and I sat down..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Have you ever felt the need to sanitize your ass? I did right at that very moment. I washed my entire body  hands and headed back to the car. I have a bottle of sanitizer in my car and I sanitized my hands once again..

I took a shower as soon as I got home..

I am not sure I will ever be the same.

:)

Don't Judge....

I think one of the biggest mistakes a person can make is to look at someones life and pass judgement or form a negative opinion without having the facts and knowing the complete story.

Appearance is not reality. What you see through your eyes may not be the actual reality that someone is living. When I was married to B (1st marriage) and we were out with friends they would think we were the perfect couple. They didn't not see the B that I saw behind closed doors. They did not see the man that got mad at me and punched holes in the wall or threw phones against a tree, I assume to keep from hitting me. The man that could be verbally abusive at home. They saw the man that was kind and sweet. They saw what he wanted them to see.

I have many friends that are married to their best friends and have built a life with them. When I look at their life I see perfection but is there such a thing? No, even the married couple that has lived a life without divorce has had challenges, battles, disappointments and trials.

I have a friend that is very special to my heart but when you look at her family and how happy they are you don't see that she lost a child and the grief she has had to endure. When you look at another friend of mine that is single and wonder why she is single because she is simply amazing. You don't know that many years ago she got upset with her boyfriend. He left her house in anger and was killed by a drunk driver. Another friend of mine was informed by her husband on her 5th wedding anniversary that he wanted a divorce.

I simply hate when someone hears I have been married twice and immediately forms an opinion that I am not a good partner in a relationship or I don't know how to make one work or I will not be able to make one work in the future.

The reason I am divorced is - I refuse to be in a marriage where I am not loved. I will not be mistreated or disrespected. It is not over because I didn't try or because I gave up. I am also setting an example for my daughter. She should see how a woman should be treated and deserves to be treated.

I dated MDK (2nd marriage) 4 years before we got married. I was sure that was enough time to see him for who he was. In the four years that we dated we were happy and in love, we had not been confronted with such a tragic life obstacle. Six months after we were married we entered a custody case with his ex-wife. This was extremely stressful for the both of us. Instead of leaning on me for support he turned to alcohol and it went down hill very quickly. He drank daily, on the weekends he would get up at 7am and drink unil 7pm, he drained our bank account. He became someone I did not know. One day he looked me and told me he didn't love me or respect me and he would never stop drinking. He chose the alcohol not me. I never saw it coming... life once again brought me to my knees.

When I say I have been married twice it makes me shiver and I think it is embarrassing. I don't think and I hope no one goes into a marriage wanting a divorce. Have I healed? Yes. Have I forgiven myself for my mistakes and the red flags I didn't see and the ones I chose to ignore? I am working on it. Am I moving forward with my life knowing the mistakes I made have shaped me into the amazing person I am today? Absolutely.

Many, many, many people have been through multiple marriages and divorces and it is not our place to sit in judgement of them of why there marriage ended. If they have been married 1,2,3 give them a break you don't know what happened.

If you are a blessed family that has lived a life without divorce that is amazing and I am so happy for you. If you are single and have never been married but come from a family of divorce. Don't be scared to love someone and take the risk. Divorce is not hereditary and you aren't going to "catch it."

I have faced failure in marriage but I am very confident that I am going to find "the one" for me because I am an amazing person. I have faced failure in marriage and divorce head on. I have broken the pattern. I have learned from what I have been through and I have grown up A LOT! I have taken the blinders off and I am walking forward seeing the clear picture.  I am a happy single momma living the life I am here to live. Taking one day at a time and knowing in my heart I truly deserve to love and be loved.

I am also going to have the next guy I date go through a 5 person panel interview to catch anything I missed. I'm just kidding, maybe!!

"No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be."

:)

Tall.......

high in stature, of considerable height, giraffe, amazon, tall drink of water, stretch, long from bottom to top.

I am tall, I know - I get it!

I have not always embraced my height I grew up during a time where fashion designers did not make clothes for tall people. I don't need "special" clothes but jeans that were long enough would have been GREAT! I don't think I have ever owned a pair of clearance jeans. I could not get excited when I saw Jordache jeans on sale for $9.99 - why? Because they were never long enough. I am so thankful that designers finally got with it and now certain stores do sale jeans that are long enough and time to time I might find a pair on clearance.

The thing that baffles me to this day is that people tell me I am tall like they are unaware of the fact that I know this. "Wow, your tall" - "How tall are you" - "You were heels, do you know they make you taller" - "How tall are you with those heels on" - "Wow, your tall" - "Did you play basketball" - Awww, my favorite cliche question "Did you play basketball?" Let me educate you on this. No, I did not play basketball nor was I the center person in the drill team line up. This would also require skills to run, bounce a ball and shoot from a far distance. It would also require the skills to keep rhythm to music none of which I have the ability to do. I will say that now I do have a little more rhythm and can get out on the dance floor but if it is learning a routine.. forget it. Just because you are tall does not mean that you are also born with the skills and coordination it takes to be an athlete.

I also love that it is socially acceptable to tell someone they are tall but people refrain from telling you that you are ugly, short, fat, skinny or have a big ass.

How tall are you? Well, depends who you are asking. My Dad will tell you I am 6 foot just because he likes to get me all fired up. It also depends if you are asking my true height or my height with the particular heels I am wearing that day. On any given day I can be 5'10 3/4 - 6'4. Yes, I am 5'10 3/4 not 6 foot tall. If I was 6 foot I would say it....

The challenge of being tall is being single and meeting a man that is taller than you. You would also not believe the men that are intimidated by a tall beautiful woman that is close to, the same height or taller than with heels. I always laugh when I see someone that is 6'4 that is with someone that is 5'2. I get it you can't help who you fall in love with but aren't you scared of losing them because you can't find them when they are so close to the ground?

Anyhoo, I love being tall and I love that people never get tired of telling me I am tall. I love my heels and I love that I can reach anything I want. I love that I can help less fortunate people that were not blessed with height reach the spices in the cabinet.

Be comfortable in your own skin. Love yourself for the person God created you to be. You cannot love someone else if you don't love yourself. So, if you are tall, short, ugly, pretty, fat, skinny or have a big ass. EMBRACE IT!!!

:)

Now and Then

THEN:

Everyone knows the story of the "Ugly Duckling" It was a cute baby duck -ugly kid duck - beautiful swan. Yep that is ME. I was a cute baby I am not going to lie, all 8lbs of me. I was an even cuter toddler and then that ackward preteen age hit and I would not be at all disappointed if my Mother burned my pictures from that era. Then comes late junior high early high school and let's just say "Sally Jesse Raphael" Yes, I had red framed glasses and I actually thought they looked good. Lord, help me!!

If I remember correctly I had my first kiss on the lips in the 6th grade walking back to class. Shhh, it counts! Then it would not happen again for 5 years, I think. I got my first official boyfriend when I was a junior in high school and he was someone I met at a Youth Lock-In. The first relationship never works out... not a big story there.

Against my better judement I dated one of my Brothers friends whom took me to my Senior prom. He cheated on me and that was the end of that story.

By this time I am pretty cute and I have transformed into the beautiful swan. Cute has transformed into beautiful. However, this isn't the main point of this story. Never did I think I would be 36 and dating. Yep, 18 years later I am single and have found myself in the middle of this game called dating.

I think it was simpler when I was 18 although I did not think that then. I don't think I realized what a game that it is - maybe I was more naive than I am now.

Fast forward 18 years to --

NOW:

Today... I am now the beautiful Swan with a cracked beak and a mended heart and I might have a few feathers missing. I am the Swan that has been through a few rough relationships. I may be a little twisted, bent but not broken.

However, I wonder if I will have the patience for dating at 36. I can't believe what a game it is and how many guys cannot communicate and simply state how they feel or what they want. It is easy speak from the heart.
You might hurt someones feelings but at least they will know how you feel about them and you don't leave them to to wonder - everyone needs closure.

So, if you are new to the game or entering it again like myself this is how I here it works.

1. Act like you are not interested. Yep, that's right pretend like you don't like them - ignore them. Ignore their calls, take 2 hours to text them back or don't do it at all.

2. Refer to #1

Men want to pursue and chase and if you act like you like them then that is no fun and they go and look for someone that wants to be chased. Ridiculous!!

Ok, I get this action when you are 18 but 36 - I am tired and I don't have a lot of time so can we just be real with each other. I like you - you like me - GREAT- want to get some dinner. Abso -Freaking- Lutely. Simple. I expect more from a man that is my age or older. I understand you wanting to chase tail at 18 but 36+ really, aren't you tired to and want to skip the games? No, that would be to simple.

I might not understand the rules of dating but this is what I do know. I have experienced life full throttle and it isn't even close to being over. I am a tall strong confident beautiful woman and I have a lot to offer. This time the man I meet is going to have earn the right to share the limited time I have to spend with them. They are going to treat me like the great woman I am.

Games or not I will not except any less than the best.

So, ok I will get some extra sleep grab a red bull and put on my game face. You have your running shoes on?

Catch me if you can.......

:)